Things Have Been Up & Down

As per usual, things have been up and down since I last wrote. On the positive side, I have been doing more for a while, but on the negative side, doing more has lead to me having lots of mini-crashes or PEM (post-exertional malaise). Exertion doesn't have to be 'exercise' as we might think of it... leaping around, running, cycling or even walking, but just doing more physical and mental activity in any form.

Once a week, I have been walking and carrying a heavy bag, plus standing more than normal and using my arms quite a bit. I noticed that, surprise surprise (not), it's erradicating the rest of my week. It is taking me so long to recover from it, that by the time the situation that requires me to engage in this non-M.E. friendly behaviour rolls around again, I haven't even recovered from the previous week's aftermath.

I don't want to complain, because the fact I am even managing to attempt all this physical stuff in the first place is amazing compared to pre-LDN where I was basically housebound except for the odd trip out in the car with mum. I just think it's a bit difficult to know that you are basically sort of making yourself unwell - in my case I am doing this because I need to for my career/profession and it's basically unavoidable. The good part being that it is not an ongoing thing, it does have an end date. I definitely would not be able to manage without an end date.

In better news, I found out I finish German class a week earlier than I thought, which is good. Not because I hate it or anything; I really do enjoy it, but because I find it so draining! It's first thing in the morning so I have to get up early. Since M.E. I have always struggled with getting up early and once I got thyroid problems, it has become almost impossible to rouse myself before 9 a.m. and be functional. Another thing I noticed is that if I do get up earlier, I basically use up my energy earlier, so I have to come to bed in the afternoon. On top of this, I find my brain is a. not working properly first thing in the morning and b. I find learning a language is mentally (and thus physically) fatigue inducing anyway... so all in all, I shall be glad to break from that.

To top everything off, Millie (my Yorkie) had a bad epileptic fit on Wednesday afternoon. We had to rush he to the vets. She was diagnosed with epilepsy. She has actually had 4 fits before, but was never diagnosed (the vets just advised us to monitor the situation) - 3 of them were when she was much younger and  she one partial one last year in the midle of the night. This recent one was bad though, and very upsetting to watch. I am just hoping she doesn't have them any more frequently (or at all) as if she has less than 1 per month the vets won't medicate her... and I would rather not medicate her as a. it's expensive and b. it has horrible side effects. Of course this whole drama caused me so much stress, that I haven't been good at all since. I feel like a ragdoll, zombie person. She, on the other hand, seems to have recovered quite well!