Up & Down

At the moment I am truly up and down - day to day, and hour to hour. If I remember rightly, Friday was a good day for me; it was productive! I have my 'professional' life where I blog and write articles/ebooks about making wigs, alopecia, and issues relating to hair loss. I also do freelance writing, research, and online tutoring work. For a long time I have put this to one side, as I was unable to muster enough energy, cognitive ability and strength to attend to it properly.

Recently, since taking LDN, I had turned my mind to this once again. I decided to focus on my blogs, and to start getting them up to scratch. So this past week, I took some time to deal with old emails to my YouTube account. I am ashamed to say that some of these emails had been sitting there for 6 or 7 months. I tied up all the loose ends, planned some blog posts and set myself to the task. I also started to think about moving forward. I need to redesign my old website, and to approach things slowly and steadily. I think it is possible to be successful online, from a business perspective, with chronic sickness; however, I think it is better to do one task a day, and actually get it done. Whereas, my past approach was to rush at everything and try to do it all rapidly, which just resulted in me doing half of it and then crashing for months!

Of course, being that I threw myself into the task without thinking this through carefully, I did not pace myself. Predictably, I spent yesterday, and am spending today, with the most bone crushing fatigue imaginable. It does not help that it has been snowing a lot. Today it has snowed for over 5 hours, and it is not supposed to stop until around 14 hours have passed. I find snow tiring and very drying. I am so 'out of it' that aside from writing this, I am just stuck to a chair like a limpit to a rock, gazing at not a lot... AKA the wall, the fish, the birds, the dog... My own slippered feet: "hey feet"!

I am a bit tired of this... tired of tired, exhausted of exhaustion, bored of boredom...

So being me, I decided to Google: bone crushing fatigue, and there are a lot of thyroidites (my name for thyroid disease sufferers - sounds funky IMO) and others with AI diseases, and M.E. of course, suffering away... But like the thyroidites were saying, it's impossible to encompass the very depths of this experience, this feeling, in words. It just ends up sounding lame! It's the imprisoned in my chair, would rather wet myself than have to move even 1 muscle (hence staring straight forward), feeling.


so yes, I am still sticking to 2.5 mg of LDN. I was thinking, if push comes to shove, I will go back to 1.5 mg, as I felt quite good on that dose.