Welcome 2013

I am still alive.

I have now been on 2mg for 1 week. I am 'hanging in there'. This past week has been strange, as I think I have been fighting a virus, thus it is hard to tell what is a LDN side effect and what is a virus fighting side effect.

My urge has been to sleep. I spent all of Wednesday in bed resting. I still feel I could sleep and rest. I hope that this is a good sign, a sign my body is trying to make up for lost sleep and heal some things.

It is interesting to get someone else's perspective on how I am doing. Last night I was taking my LDN, which led to my mum talking about it with me. I said that I have seen improvements, she said she was not so sure. She said that I seem to be up and down. I think it is very hard for her, as it is for me, to grasp what changes - if any - are taking place. Perhaps once I have my classes to go to, I can better assess LDN. I feel inside that things are different somehow, and I know I am definitely getting more sleep. My pain levels do seem down a little and cognitively, I have been feeling more 'with it'. I don't know if this is how I would be without LDN. I suspect not... I was experiencing a progressive disease without remission in the last few years.

I think that it is worth bearing in mind that, as far as I can understand, LDN is not really supposed to cure. It is supposed to stop disease progression, and if it does rewind you a bit to your former glory, that is a bonus. Therefore, where you were at disease-wise, may be where you will stay, but hopefully not getting any worse. For me, in some ways this notion is disappointing, though I knew about it. Having been ill for so long with M.E., I am far along the road in many ways, and adding in the thyroid problems and other health issues I have or have had makes for a lot of debility and pain. I have frequently tried to run with the herd in the past, and I sometimes feel I can be in denial over my symptoms and my body. It is very hard to be 32, and to realise 'this is it'... as good as it gets. I wish I had known about LDN 10 years ago, and been brave enough to try it. I can imagine the last decade might have been quite different for me if I had.

I must move forward though, as there is no use getting stuck in the past. At the moment, any improvement is good, no matter how small. I plan on increasing again next Thursday, as it will give me maximum recovery time before I have to go out of the house.